Thoughts...

I am sitting here at my desk, my pepsi on one side of me, the window is open, the breeze is coming through, it is a beautiful day outside. I ate my sandwich for breakfast and lunch. My daughter is still crashed in her bed, she was in mine when I woke up. She has gotten into the habit of crawling into bed with me after John leaves for work at 4:30 in the morning....I thought they grew out of that when they got older....Lol! Oh well. She hasn't been feeling well and things haven't been going good for her right now, so maybe she just needs that security of Momma's bed. I guess I don't mind, one of these days she won't be here anymore and then I won't have my baby come crawling in bed with me. Sad... :(
She turns 18 in less then a month...God, what a scary thought. I wish I could keep her young for a while longer, but time doesn't wait for anyone. It just keeps on ticking. She will be free to move out if she chooses and she keeps saying she is going too, where, I don't know. Don't think she knows either. But I don't think she will be moving out real fast....but when she does then her room is mine...hahaha! Was gonna make it into a family/guest room, but now having second thoughts, might make it mine since it is a bigger room and make this room a family/guest room. Not sure yet. But either way, it will get redone, her red and black just won't cut it. I kinda like the idea of having my 4 bedroom house to myself...but it will be/get very lonely and guiet. But it will be nice to have the extra rooms for company.
She will not be starting school this year, she is going to go for her GED. Take the adult classes they offer, if I ever find out when and where. I have finally accepted the fact that she won't graduate with her class, something I wanted so bad. But I guess it is something she really don't care about and I can't live her life for her, so I will back down, except to push for her GED and to get a job, which is a must. I will not having her lay around all winter like she did this past summer...ugh! Unless..of course...she has moved out......

Grandpa was at work....

The other day while the grandkids were here, my grandaughter Elaina fell off the deck railing giving herself a nice shiner. (been told a hundred times to not climb on the railing) The next morning her Mom says to her jokingly, "Aren't you a little young to be fighting with your sister over a boy?" And my 4 year old granddaughter replies, "Mom, Grandpa was at work."...they never cease to amuse me! Lol!

Grandpa Song

When I was growing up, the sound of the "old" country music could be heard through out our house, whether on the radio, 8 track player or my Dad playing his guitar, singing or whistling (and he was the best whistler). Music of Hank Williams Sr, the old bluegrass, the Grand Ole Opry and all its entertainers. As time went on, my girls grew up listening to that and they still enjoy it today (kinda rare these days with the new sounds of rap, and that screechy stuff they call music), and when my Grandson was born, he and my Dad formed such a bond, they were inseperable. You guessed it, he too grow up ( now only going on 6) on the "old" music. He and my Dad would sit for hours and listen to the old country music (Hayden's favorite is the bluegrass), he sitting on my Dad's lap, curled up in his arms as they rocked in the recliner. They spent a lot of time doing that, especially in the later years when Dad was too sick to do anything else. And on the days that I watched Hayden, even as a baby, I would hold him in my arms as we danced to the country music I always had on hand (and maybe a few CCR songs as well that Hayden learned to love too) and boogie to the bluegrass. My Granddaughter Elaina was born just before my Dad passed away, and she too learned to love the old music. It now has been just over 3 years since my Dad passed, Elaina being not quite old enough to remember him at that time. But every now and then while in the car, one of the "old" songs will come on the radio (or at home) and they will ask to have the music turned up. It reminds them of their Great Grandpa, my Dad. They have renamed these songs "Grandpa Song",(Hayden calling it that not long after Dad passed away) because to them it is Grandpa music, the music he so often listened to when he was alive. And though my 3rd granddaughter Brooke (who now 2 1/2) has never met her Great Grandpa, she has learned from her older brother and sister just what "Grandpa Song" is. She can tell you if a song is a Grandpa song as soon as she hears it. They love the old songs as much as I do, and every now and then I swear I can hear my Dad whistling to the old music of the "Grandpa Song."

When it comes back to you...

My eldest daughter Felicia text me tonight, all excited. She recently has gotten in contact with her Dad's side of the family, and they have welcomed her with open arms. The communication line has been hot between her and them. She has gotten to know her cousins, 5 or 6 by her Aunt Tracee, her Aunt Nicci, and Uncle Greg. She has been in contact with her Dad the last few years, every now and then, but not enough to mention. She has been also talking with her Grandma, her Dad's Mom, and tonight she gave Felicia her Dad's cell number. The old numbers were obsolete. She called her Dad and then found out later that he texts. She was so excited that she had to text me and tell me. They had been texting back and forth and somewhere in their conversation, he told her that he is ready to be part of her life and would like to be a part of her and his grandkids lives. Me, being her mother and once married to him, mention something like, "to bad he didn't want to be a part of her life when she was a baby". She then text back this.."And i probably wouldnt have been raised as well if he was around. U did good mom. Thank u i love u." Those were her exact words, taken from the text she wrote me, spelling and all. A few minutes later my other daughter Cheyenne came in and caught me crying and thinking there was something drastically wrong (my girls don't see their Mom cry much at all and when they do, they worry) she asked what was wrong. I showed her the text and explained what it was that had been said and then she understood. She got a little smile on her face and then threaten to call her sister and chew her out for making me cry. Lol! But as parents, we often wonder if the trouble that we go through when our kids are growing up, trying to teach them right from wrong, and if the things that we drilled in their heads ever took hold. And being a single parent, it is twice as hard, lucky for me I wasn't a single parent for long, but I still took on the responsibility as a single parent when it came to my girls, because their fathers weren't around. But when it comes back to you...and it will, it comes back unexpectedly, like tonight. Then you know that the time you spent on your kids was time well spent because those few little words mean the world to you, to know you did do good with your kids and that they do appreciate it. And even if you know that you did good, did your best, those few little words make it all worthwhile!

Who is God?

This morning as the birds came in to feed from the feeder outside the picture window, a beautiful goldfinch came in to eat. I noticed him as I was picking up the livingroom a little. I alerted my grandkids that he was there and cautioned them not to rush the window as this would scare him away. They slowly made their way over to the window as I explained what kind of bird he was. My soon to be 6 yr old grandson was taking quite an interest in this little bird and asked me who made him, who made his belly so round and fat. I, without thinking, told him God made him like that. He immediately answered with, "Who is God?" I was taken back, a little shocked and alarmed that he did not know who God was, me myself being raised with the Lord in my life since the day I was born, and my own girls also. But before I could answer, he was distracted and was off and running with his sisters and as I was straightening the cover on the couch, I thought to myself, how do you explain to a soon to be 6 yr old who God is? I drew a total blank on this, I mean, the Lord is everywhere and if he has been in your life since the day you were born, then by the age 6 you know who God is. But a 6 yr old not knowing and just finding out about God? Where do you start? How do you start? My mind started going in circles on who I could talk to about this, who I could get to talk to my grandson, and then I realized that there is no one but me. After the passing of both my parents, I came to realize and understand that the Lord was a big part of their life, they being believers, in the old fashion way, the Ten Commandements and the works. I too believe in the old fashion ways, but have adjusted to the standards of the modern day. Not saying I agree with it, but saying that the Lord knows your heart and where you stand and only He can cast judgement. And again I thought about my grandson and accepted the fact that I will be playing a big part in his life and that will include him getting to know who God is. I have accepted this challenge and believe I will enjoy very much teaching and showing him that the Lord is watching over him and his sisters and that He is a big part of his life too. I will be passing on to my grandchildren what I have learned, known and experienced since I was a child. And it will be a pleasure to help him say his first prayer..........

Ultrasound

Yesterday I accompanied my daughter Cheyenne, along with her boyfriend Chris and his Mom Monica, to her ultrasound of the baby. She will be going on 6 months in a few days. Now if you have ever had an ultrasound or witnessed one, you will know there isn't much to see, mostly the skeletal structure of the baby. We witnessed the beating of the heart, saw the little fingers and toes, and though the technician tried, the little one did not cooperate in any way as she tried to see if it was a boy or girl. And even as the baby moved around with vigor, it kept his/her legs closed tight, leaving Cheyenne quite disappointed as she wanted to know so bad what it is, even when Monica and I have told her countless of times it is going to be a girl. That is what we feel it will be. And since I was correct with all of my oldest daughter's kids, I have no doubt on this one. But only time will tell if we are right.....
So Cheyenne went away from her ultrasound disappointed, as she wanted to know so she could decide on the color scheme for the baby's room she has been working on. But she does have a name picked out for a girl, one she has had for quite some time, long before she even had a boyfriend or was pregnant. Vatoloni Marie Lynn is the name she has picked out for the girl, it is a name she came up with herself, just adding my middle name and Monica's middle name for the baby's middle name. I told her I would call her Loni for short. She has not quite decided on a boy's name, she had Nicholai picked out, but now is not sure. But she has time and if it is a girl like we think and say she is, then Chey won't need a boy's name, at least not til next time.

Happy Birthday

25 years ago on this date, May 17 1984, my daughter Felicia was born. In just about an hr she will have made her appearance. She was just over 6lbs and was the most beautiful baby, the first grandchild for my parents who doted on her. I slept through the majority of my labor, but when she was ready to make her appearance, she did not want to wait. The Doc walked in just in time to catch her practically. It was an easy pregnancey and delivery, one that I would never experience again. Her Dad and I split when she was 9 mo, he made the choice of his drugs over his daughter and I and he lost us, but she did make contact with him at the age of 16 when we flew out to Oregon so she could meet him and put that part of her life behind her, and she grew to be a fine young woman, knows how to stand on her own two feet and is currently holding a job that she is very good at, enjoys and and is well liked by her boss and employees alike. Even looking at a manager position this fall. She is married and has blessed me with 3 beautiful grandbabies, all blonde hair and blue eyes, a boy and 2 girls, whom I love dearly. I am blessed to see them daily, and feel fortunate that I am able to be a big part of my daughter and grandbabies lives. I know there are many who are not as fortunate and it would devestate me if they ever moved away so I was not able to see them on a regular basis. I was there for all my grandbabies being born, heard their first cry.My daughter would have it no other way.
So today she turns 25, and is in the process of trying to get moved into a different place, one which is much bigger, plenty of room for the kids and a big yard for them to run. And it is just down the road from Grandma's house....
Happy Birthday Felicia, I love you so much!! And thank-you for the beautiful grandbabies!

The sun is shining, the sky is a beautiful blue and though there is plenty to do outside today, I chose to stay inside sitting in front of my computer or do what I was doing early this morning, bead. And the reason for this is, it is very, very cold outside and very windy. And it is almost the end of May, where is our warm weather? Don't get me wrong, this isn't all I have done today. My floors have been swept, vacummed and my kitchen cleaned up from everyone's mess last night. I have no kids, although I was asked if I would take my youngest granddaughter while her Mother cleaned the new house they will be moving into. Any other time I would have said yea, but since I have them all week and am unable to do the things I like because for some reason they need my attention constantly, I did not take her. I don't want to sound mean, but being your grandkids daycare is fine, but then you do want time to be able to do the things you also enjoy, in my case it is beading, working and editing pictures on my computer and doing research online for my ancestor/heritage stuff, embroidery, sewing, the list could go on. So on the days I could be a Grandma, I don't because after being their daycare all week, I want my day off. I would rather be a Grandma instead of a daycare so I can take them whenever, but with the slim pickins out there, Grandma is the most safest and reliable choice. Granted they are here on the days I don't do daycare, but usually their Mother is too so I don't have to keep constant watch on them. Whether for supper, visiting or whatnot. I love my grandkids dearly, they complete the circle of love. Can't wait to hold my 4th one, making his or her appearance in Oct!

Mmmmm....

It has come to my attention that my driver's license has in fact expired on my birthday, which was the first of May. Now this isn't the first time this as happend as one time I had moved and didn't get the renewal form and was pulled over early one morning on my way to my Mom and Dad's to drop the girls off as I was headed to the Minneapolis airport with my sister and oldest daughter to fly out to Oregon. As it ended up, it was a good thing my oldest daughter did have her license because she ended up driving to my Mom's. We had a ride to the airport and though this person had driven it a million times, we ended up lost and going down a one way street. Oh, such memories! But back to the present, my license are expired and I am grounded again. I sat for almost a year with no vehicle and now that I have finally have had one for almost 7 months, I still now am not able to drive! And it will be like this until next week, actually until John receives his first paycheck, which will be 2 weeks from this last Tues. It is a good thing I now have 2 daughters with driver's license! ;) Instead of good ole Mom driving them around, they can drive me...kinda like Driving Miss Daisy...lol!
I have put my granddaughter's down for their naps, I have a ham on to boil for supper and shortly my oldest daughter will be ready to be picked up from work. Chey is here, she will also be picking up my youngest daugher from school on her way to pick up Felicia from work. Oh, and since I don't have a legal license, I won't be going to Wisconsin this weekend either, so I will be watching my sister's kids while she works....guess there is no rest for the wicked!
Have a wonderful day ya'll!

Well, our plans for this weekend is to go to Wisconsin to a friend's graduation and grad party. And our head count dropped about 4-5 people. My daughter's car has needed the oil pan replaced for about 3 wks now and as of today, the deadline, it still hasn't been done. And seeing that this weekend is also her 25th birthday, she was looking forward to spending time with family and friends away from home. She and her 3 kids, my grandbabies, and possible my sister, were going to follow me there. But now she is upset because she still has no car and no way to go. My other daughter, her car has been down since there was still a foot or better of snow on the ground and it hasn't been fixed either. I have been "Mom's" taxi for the past 2-3 months now. I threated to put a taxi sign on the roof of my car, place a tin can in the front with a sign that says, "donations accepted", but for some reason, they all laugh at me. But at least Chey and her boyfriend, Chris, will be able to go since they will be riding with me. I would love to take the motorhome so we all could go, but it is not road ready. So that thought goes out the window along with Felicia's plans of going with us. John, my boyfriend, has started a new job and he may not be able to go either, but that will not stop me from going and he'd want it that way anyway. No sense for me to not go because he can't is what he says. Balsam Lake is where we are headed and since I made the trip a few months back, I found that it is actually quite a relaxing drive, mostly county driving. I like that.
Today I spent time and visited with an old friend of mine, who I don't get to visit much with. She brought her daycare kids who played with my 2 granddaughters and even got to out and visit and pet out goat. He was good with the kids, but got playful with me when I wouldn't let him out the door when the kids wanted out. I held him back and reared on his hind legs and put his front legs on me, but he does not intimidate me in the least bit. He is just playful and friendly. We really enjoy having him. But Julie and I have possible day next week for me to take my grandkids out to her place so they can see her animals.
Wishing you all a peaceful night, take care and God Bless!

Marilyn L. (Seguin) Williams

I recieved this email this morning from my cousin, an email she sent out to many. It concerned my Aunt who had passed away on Friday May 8th, 2009 in the early evening. With it she included a little message of her own:
My Mom passed away Friday. Our visit with my Mom Thursday evening was wonderful with lots of hugs and smiles and I love you's. My Mom was happy in spite of the situation. Late last year my Mom told me that the past few years have been the happiest of her life. Her love for her family was amazing.

Marilyn L. Williams
Born to Arthur and Louise Seguin at Crosby, MN, May 5, 1932. Passed away May 8, 2009 in Stockton, CA to join her predeceased sons Gary, Kerry, and Jonathon Dewing, brother John Seguin and late husband, Walter Williams.
She is survived by her sons Kirk, Bruce and Beldon (Toby) Dewing of Vancouver, WA. And Konway Dewing of Concord, CA. A daughter, Julie (David) Leitz of Vancouver, WA, 10 grandchildren and 1 great grandchild. Also survived by brothers, Henry and Richard Fageroos, Albert, Arthur and Micheal Seguin of MN, sisters Elaina Durham of MN, Dawn Hargrave of CA, and numerous nieces, nephews and extended family.
In her 77 years Marilyn had many friends with whom she happily shared her enthusiasm for life. She was a spirited person who loved to sing and dance and share good food and good jokes with good people.
Marilyn was an active member of the Windborn Church of Rio Vista. She was also a member of Rio Vista W.O.T.M Delta Chapter #1786.
Services will be held at 9 AM, Sat May 16th 2009 at Windborn Church, 300 Main St Rio Vista, with a reception following at the Rio Vista Moose Family Center, 11 N. Front St, Rio Vista. In lieu of flowers please donate to Windborn Church building fund, or a favorite charity.

My Aunt Marilyn was a very special lady, a survivor of breast cancer for many years. She died of a massive stroke. I will miss her
This is a picture of my Aunt Marilyn after my Mom's funeral in Oct 2008, with my Grandson, her great great nephew..

Blogging is something that I really never gave a thought to, though there is so much happening each day of my life that it wouldn't be hard to fill up a page. So after giving it some thought, not much though, I have decided to give it a try, comparing this kinda to a diary, only in public form. Not everything I may write will be agreed by all, but it is a way for me to get it down on paper and out of my head. Whether it be a day in my life, a poem I may have wrote myself, or whatever may cross my path that day. Could be interesting to see what happens. So feel free to come back whenever you want, or each day, just to see what happens in my little world.