Thoughts...

I am sitting here at my desk, my pepsi on one side of me, the window is open, the breeze is coming through, it is a beautiful day outside. I ate my sandwich for breakfast and lunch. My daughter is still crashed in her bed, she was in mine when I woke up. She has gotten into the habit of crawling into bed with me after John leaves for work at 4:30 in the morning....I thought they grew out of that when they got older....Lol! Oh well. She hasn't been feeling well and things haven't been going good for her right now, so maybe she just needs that security of Momma's bed. I guess I don't mind, one of these days she won't be here anymore and then I won't have my baby come crawling in bed with me. Sad... :(
She turns 18 in less then a month...God, what a scary thought. I wish I could keep her young for a while longer, but time doesn't wait for anyone. It just keeps on ticking. She will be free to move out if she chooses and she keeps saying she is going too, where, I don't know. Don't think she knows either. But I don't think she will be moving out real fast....but when she does then her room is mine...hahaha! Was gonna make it into a family/guest room, but now having second thoughts, might make it mine since it is a bigger room and make this room a family/guest room. Not sure yet. But either way, it will get redone, her red and black just won't cut it. I kinda like the idea of having my 4 bedroom house to myself...but it will be/get very lonely and guiet. But it will be nice to have the extra rooms for company.
She will not be starting school this year, she is going to go for her GED. Take the adult classes they offer, if I ever find out when and where. I have finally accepted the fact that she won't graduate with her class, something I wanted so bad. But I guess it is something she really don't care about and I can't live her life for her, so I will back down, except to push for her GED and to get a job, which is a must. I will not having her lay around all winter like she did this past summer...ugh! Unless..of course...she has moved out......

Grandpa was at work....

The other day while the grandkids were here, my grandaughter Elaina fell off the deck railing giving herself a nice shiner. (been told a hundred times to not climb on the railing) The next morning her Mom says to her jokingly, "Aren't you a little young to be fighting with your sister over a boy?" And my 4 year old granddaughter replies, "Mom, Grandpa was at work."...they never cease to amuse me! Lol!

Grandpa Song

When I was growing up, the sound of the "old" country music could be heard through out our house, whether on the radio, 8 track player or my Dad playing his guitar, singing or whistling (and he was the best whistler). Music of Hank Williams Sr, the old bluegrass, the Grand Ole Opry and all its entertainers. As time went on, my girls grew up listening to that and they still enjoy it today (kinda rare these days with the new sounds of rap, and that screechy stuff they call music), and when my Grandson was born, he and my Dad formed such a bond, they were inseperable. You guessed it, he too grow up ( now only going on 6) on the "old" music. He and my Dad would sit for hours and listen to the old country music (Hayden's favorite is the bluegrass), he sitting on my Dad's lap, curled up in his arms as they rocked in the recliner. They spent a lot of time doing that, especially in the later years when Dad was too sick to do anything else. And on the days that I watched Hayden, even as a baby, I would hold him in my arms as we danced to the country music I always had on hand (and maybe a few CCR songs as well that Hayden learned to love too) and boogie to the bluegrass. My Granddaughter Elaina was born just before my Dad passed away, and she too learned to love the old music. It now has been just over 3 years since my Dad passed, Elaina being not quite old enough to remember him at that time. But every now and then while in the car, one of the "old" songs will come on the radio (or at home) and they will ask to have the music turned up. It reminds them of their Great Grandpa, my Dad. They have renamed these songs "Grandpa Song",(Hayden calling it that not long after Dad passed away) because to them it is Grandpa music, the music he so often listened to when he was alive. And though my 3rd granddaughter Brooke (who now 2 1/2) has never met her Great Grandpa, she has learned from her older brother and sister just what "Grandpa Song" is. She can tell you if a song is a Grandpa song as soon as she hears it. They love the old songs as much as I do, and every now and then I swear I can hear my Dad whistling to the old music of the "Grandpa Song."

When it comes back to you...

My eldest daughter Felicia text me tonight, all excited. She recently has gotten in contact with her Dad's side of the family, and they have welcomed her with open arms. The communication line has been hot between her and them. She has gotten to know her cousins, 5 or 6 by her Aunt Tracee, her Aunt Nicci, and Uncle Greg. She has been in contact with her Dad the last few years, every now and then, but not enough to mention. She has been also talking with her Grandma, her Dad's Mom, and tonight she gave Felicia her Dad's cell number. The old numbers were obsolete. She called her Dad and then found out later that he texts. She was so excited that she had to text me and tell me. They had been texting back and forth and somewhere in their conversation, he told her that he is ready to be part of her life and would like to be a part of her and his grandkids lives. Me, being her mother and once married to him, mention something like, "to bad he didn't want to be a part of her life when she was a baby". She then text back this.."And i probably wouldnt have been raised as well if he was around. U did good mom. Thank u i love u." Those were her exact words, taken from the text she wrote me, spelling and all. A few minutes later my other daughter Cheyenne came in and caught me crying and thinking there was something drastically wrong (my girls don't see their Mom cry much at all and when they do, they worry) she asked what was wrong. I showed her the text and explained what it was that had been said and then she understood. She got a little smile on her face and then threaten to call her sister and chew her out for making me cry. Lol! But as parents, we often wonder if the trouble that we go through when our kids are growing up, trying to teach them right from wrong, and if the things that we drilled in their heads ever took hold. And being a single parent, it is twice as hard, lucky for me I wasn't a single parent for long, but I still took on the responsibility as a single parent when it came to my girls, because their fathers weren't around. But when it comes back to you...and it will, it comes back unexpectedly, like tonight. Then you know that the time you spent on your kids was time well spent because those few little words mean the world to you, to know you did do good with your kids and that they do appreciate it. And even if you know that you did good, did your best, those few little words make it all worthwhile!